Ever wondered what it’s like on the set on the day of a spanking shoot? Well, I hope so ‘cause I’m gonna spill – like it or not!

If I’m ready on time, they’re late. I’m sitting around watching the clock and organizing and re-organizing everything, trying to keep my cool. I hate to be flustered when we start.

If I’m running late, they’re on time, or early. This usually leads to them ringing the doorbell over and over until I come running down the stairs to let them in, half dressed (hopefully in a robe, although not always). I seriously don’t like too early of an arrival. That might win a girl an extra hard spanking if she didn’t warn me first. Or worse, she warned me she’d be coming early and then showed up even earlier. I mean, really! Who is THAT anxious to be spanked!!

Once they’re here and we’re all ready, we get releases and photo IDs taken care of first. At least, I like to remember to take care of that stuff first. It’s only happened to me once…a long time ago, but it sucks if you get through a shoot and suddenly the model is reluctant to sign the release and stuff. Of course, if they don’t they won’t get paid, but still, my time and energy has been wasted. Not fair! Don’t worry. It only happened once.

I have some clips of some pre-scene prep that I’d like to share. The first is with Lena Ramone as we discuss the upcoming plot. The second is a little interview with Amelia-Jane Rutherford, right before we began shooting and the third is with Ashley Fires as we put some of my stuffed animals to use (yes, I have stuffed animals and I’m not afraid to admit it). And the fourth is with Chloe Elise as she chooses implements for her Chelsea Spanks reality spanking session. I hope you enjoy!

To play: Right Click on window and press play.

Welcome to the world of household implements! When you can’t buy a pretty hairbrush with a cute spanking picture appliqué on it, go to your local beauty supply store and buy a (much) cheaper wooden hairbrush. It’ll have a sturdy backside to apply to your favorite backside and even some bristly boar’s hair bristles. (Picture the rest of the wild boar in the imu oven at the luau you attend during your next Hawaiian vacation. Or, maybe not. Sorry, I just HAD to go there.) So, the wood isn’t mahogany. Who cares? It’ll still works just fine. Trust me. I have a LOT of experience…a serious LOT of experience. In fact, that’s exactly where I bought my most favorite hairbrush and I’ve had it for 17 years. Possibly less time than most of you reading this have even been of age for participating in adult consensual spanking. It has seen more spanking action in that time than I can even begin to wrap my mind around. As hard as it’s been used, it’s never come close to being broken. A good bath brush is always effective, too. They’re usually even thicker than hairbrushes and easily available at your local drug store. I have a couple of those and believe me; I don’t use them for bathing.

Then it’s time to go to the kitchen. Oh yes! The kitchen is full of wonderful, worthy spanking implements. The most obvious, of course, is the wooden spoon. A good, thick wooden spoon will always get the job done. Just be sure to wash it after the spanking before you use it for cooking again. Eeeww.

But, my favorite is one of those kitchen implements is one of those new fangled heat-resistant spatulas. Those things sting! They’re thick, unyielding and snappy. Snap one of those down on a deserving behind and you’ll have contrition in no time.

How about rolled up newspapers, or magazines? Well…maybe, but kinda clumsy. They’re good for quickies. Rulers or yard sticks? Gotta use those carefully. They tend to break over tougher tushies.

I almost forgot. There’s always the good switch obtained from the tree in your backyard. Ouch!

There! Economy, eeeshmonomy. Get your spank on, I say!

Oh, and you creative spanking implement artisans out there, please forgive me. I promise to promote anyone’s efforts if they’re willing to send me some new implements for free. Wink, wink.

Free Spanking Gallery

Carolyn Reese gets the wooden spoon and the heat-resistant spatula. The spatula produced tears! And, uh, the cast iron frying pan was never intended to be used and never was. Carolyn, wise woman that she is, ran away. Hey! I was only joking with that one…

Watch Chelsea Pfeiffer Spanking Videos

I had a request from a customer to blog on this subject and then during a session recently, the gentleman I was spanking began to enthuse about how even the sound of spanking is exciting to him. So, what is it that we REALLY love about spanking…besides the fact that it turns us on and we like to be turned on. Heehee!

Is it the control of the dominant person? Is it the feeling of relenting, or submission, for the person being spanked? Is it the control over one of one’s most private of parts (our bottom, of course) that turns us on? Do we like to believe that we, or the person we’re spanking, is naughty Or, do we just like that spanking in and of itself feels, somehow, naughty?

There are so many aspects to consider along the way, as well. Do we like it when we remove a spankee’s clothing, or conversely, does a spankee enjoy that moment when their pants and/or panties are removed? Do we like the feeling of being held securely upon the lap of our spanker? Do we like the comfort of absolution after the spanking is complete?

Do we like the accompanying scolding, as in during a role play? Do we like the accompanying paraphernalia, i.e., paddles, hairbrushes and the like?

Or, as my gentleman client suggested, is just the sound of it enough to rock our worlds?

There! Have I finally asked enough questions to get some comments, here? Hehehe…

Come on people. Pipe in about what YOU love the most about spanking and then we’ll really have something to blog about!

I’d say I like, as both a spanker and a spankee, the moment when it becomes more thrilling than painful. When the pain dissolves into something else and both parties are out there on the leading edge, playing off each other as to how far it can really go. That moment absolutely crackles with erotic energy! It’s the moment the spanking has gone to our heads. And, everyone knows the brain is the largest erotic organ. Makes me dizzy just writing about it. Whew!

Every year (almost) Larry and I attend the Grand Poobah of spanking parties, The Shadow Lane Back to School Party. I don’t mean to make fun of the SL people. They work hard and have for quite a while and it shows. They know how to throw the spanking party. I mean, seriously, they know how it’s done! It’s a weekend long event. Some people come in on Thursday and stay through Monday. Now THAT’S a long spanking weekend. And, people spank and spank and spank till they can’t spank no more! Guess I forgot how I’d be if I wasn’t a spanking professional and didn’t get to do it all the time, whenever I want. Hehehe! Weeeee! I’m such a BRAT!

I’ve been to most of these parties over the years. My hubby first laid eyes on me at one. He didn’t actually TALK to me that time. Noooo! He just sat at the bar and ogled me with his eyes. Huh… Men…

When we first began our video production business, we had a blast at the Vendors’ Fair. That’s the Friday night meet-and-greet, of sorts. It’s a chance for production companies to sell a few DVDs and introduce about three hundred avid spankers to their movies. Crafts people (paddles, floggers….implement makers of all sorts) and other creative sorts display and sell their wares. It’s a nice, exciting introduction to the party. I always try to imagine what it would be like to be a complete newbie and walk in and see all these people mixing, mingling and spanking. Then see all these implements spread out on tables everywhere and all these “spanking celebrities,” (yeah, I guess that’s what I am and I’m not the only one there) right there in person for you to approach and talk to just like anybody else. Anyway, like most new production companies, we’d set up table displays that were fun and eye catching. We’d bring some of our girls from our videos with us. We’d put on spanking shows to draw people over. Imagine three or four women all spanking each other and having a party of it, too. Let’s just say it worked. We drew crowds, sometimes!

We don’t do a vendor table anymore. Larry and I just circulate and our presence there is enough to remind everyone that we’re still at it, plus we have more free time to get into the real mix of things and play with people we’ve only just met. Yes, we make little appointments with people we find, uh, interesting for one reason or another, and we slip off to our room to spank and engage in various spanking related activities. It’s kind of like swinging, but only with spanking instead.

On Saturday night, there’s a more formal event. Everyone dresses up and there’s a banquet and then everyone meets up and slips off to rooms, or private parties in various suites…or both. It’s a long night. There’s plenty of time for lots of spanking! In between Friday and Saturday night, people meet up and spank. See? I told you there’s non-stop spanking going on! On the two, or so, hotel floors that are reserved for our group, spanking can be heard ringing out from behind almost every door. Smack, smack, smack! “Ah! Ah! Ah!” It’s pretty erotic…actually VERY erotic.

I’ve got most of my sites updates done early and come Friday morning it’s pack up the car time and we’re off…to Vegas. Vegas baby! What happens there stays there…but a lot of people with red butts under their clothes will be heading home at the end of the weekend.

I’ll update you all with an after party report when I get home. Meanwhile, enjoy the photos I’ve found from parties past! I don’t remember what years these photos were taken. Too many parties and no organized (like, actually dated) files. Yes, I AM a BRAT!! Brat’s are a good thing in my biz. :-p

Me, Molly Matthews and Stacy Burke spanking Carolyn Reese	Carolyn Reese, Greta Carlson and Molly Matthews	Eleanor Powell OTK spanking Greta
Molly Matthews and Catalina L’Amour	Molly hand spanking Catalina	Molly spanking Catalina…only Catalina seems to be a bit more into it.
Catalina gets a crack at Molly’s bare bottom.	Eleanor Powell, Catalina and Molly showing off our asses – people do that sort of thing at these parties.	Eleanor Powell, Catalina and Molly pose in front of our company sign.
Amber Michaels checking out how red her bare bottom is.	Eleanor Powell, Amber and Jewell Marceau celebrating. We must have sold a lot of videos. Hehe.	Amber and Jewell, post spanking
Amber spanking Jewell.

1 - Kicking, fighting, wriggling, squealing and putting their hands back there to cover their bottoms?

2 - Stoically remaining in a poised stance, bottom jutting upward and taking it…no matter how hard, or with what implement?

There are probably about a thousand variations of the two, with a little of each going on in most people. Still how do you like a spankee to behave during a spanking?

Personally, I prefer the first choice…even though it makes much more work for me. Seriously! Have you ever tried to spank someone who is wriggling around…moving their bottom right and left and even trying to roll over on your lap? It isn’t easy, but it’s fun as…heck. I repeat. It’s not easy. I don’t care if you’re King Kong. Back when I was in videos as a bottom I was in a movie called The Figure Model. Actually, the movie is a Shadow Lane Double Feature, “Double Feature #1,” and The Figure Model was the second feature. I was tiny then – a petite hundred and two pounds. No, I wasn’t a speed freak. I was going through a divorce, but that’s another story that I probably won’t be telling…ever. The guy spanking me, Vincent Calabrese, was a body builder and trainer. He was HUGE! Still, I managed to give him a run for his money. I kicked and fought, rolled and wriggled, mouthed-off trying to belittle his intelligence. You name it! Big as he was, he was extremely hard put to keep me in place. I was nude and I started sweating. He started sweating. I started slipping and sliding all over the place. It was like a spanking-wrestling match. I’m not bragging, really, but I’ve heard this movie is so popular among spanking aficionados that it was played loop-style, over and over in a spanking club in New York called Paddles for a while last year. So, maybe a kicker/fighter/wriggler is the preferred type?

I’ve also had women who did just lay there and take it, especially when I do my Chelsea Spanks sessions. These are very popular movies in my video inventory. See? It’s just confusing. When they do that, you know, just take it, I don’t really notice. I mean, there’s a tension building up as the session gets harder and harder, so there’s life to the spanking. These movies are done reality style. There are no cuts, no stopping, no breaks and afterward no editing. So, it’s not like I can stop and say, “Uh, honey, could you please throw a bit of a fit to make things more visually appealing?” I tell the girls that we’re doing a reality spanking session and that I don’t want them to act. I want them to be themselves. A lot of them are really into spanking. They like spanking and the pain involved. Therefore, instead of making a huge fuss, they just kind of melt into it and go into their sub-space. There’s something to be said for that, too. I don’t know… How do you like your spankee to behave during a spanking?

Chelsea with Vincent Calabrese in Shadow Lane’s “Double Feature #1 – The Figure Model.”

Cherry – a great kicker/fighter

Amelia Jane Rutherford – a very TALL kicker/fighter. Whew!

Darby Daniels – a kicker/fighter/squealer

Samantha Grace – seriously stoic, but look at the color on that ass!

Kailee – winces, but never kicks or fights and still takes it darned hard

Cherry Torn moaned and sighed and went straight into her sub-space and I liked it.

Okay, I admit it’s not really a photo in the classic sense. It’s a grab, but a well chosen one. At any moment during the making of a movie, there is always potential. Exciting, huh? You betcha! Why do think I’m still doing this after all this time? Yes, I’m into spanking and that should be a good enough reason, I know. But, when you’re a producer of the depiction of fantasies, it’s easy to get a little…well…cynical now and then. You don’t mean to. You don’t even realize that you are until some fresh faced cupcake pops into your life and is baffled that you’re not as excited as she is about this project. The thing is, you ARE excited. You’re just used to being excited. Hehe.

Then, there’s a moment. A perfect, no-one-could-have-possibly-planned-it moment. It takes an experienced eye to catch it and my Larry certainly has that. He also is into spanking and, of course, into women, too. So, when he has an opportunity like this while behind the camera you KNOW he’s going to take advantage of it.

Suddenly, there it is! The girl in the foreground, Tara Lynn Foxx, seems have set up the shot. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, but Larry was there and Larry found it. Tara Lynn is marvelously nude, bent over and in the background, perfectly placed between Tara Lynn’s crotch shot, is Sinn Sage’s excellent bubble butt being highlighted as Tara Lynn peels down her friend’s thong panties. Sinn’s rosy red bottom seems to glow with the unveiling of her pussy. You want the panties come down, because you know you’re about to get a double red-bottom/double naked pussies shot. Still, you want to revel in the tease of this perfect, unplanned and therefore beautifully sexy shot. Does it get any better than this?

(From The Workout, with Sinn Sage and Tara Lynn Foxx at www.SpankSinn.com)
I’m tossing in a few more photos from that shoot, just for your viewing pleasure. It was quite a day!

A Great Spanking Week!

Understanding, of course, that ALL of the lovely ladies that we’ve had come in our front door unspanked and leave through the back door spanked are terrific, some shoots are just a little more…special. It’s undeniable and has to do with the fact that some people are just more engaging than others. It’s one of those uncomfortable facts of life and that’s all I’m going to say on that. (Awkward!) This was one of those good weeks. One girl is a sweet, petite redhead who can take much more than she’ll let on and the other a feisty, petite brunette who used to be able to take more than I can dish, but this time was a bit tenderer for some reason. Must be the economy. I mean, everyone’s been blaming everything on it, lately, so that must be the reason. But, I digress.

Let’s start with the redhead, Sophie Nova. The first time I worked with her I was afraid to use an implement. Imagine that! Me, afraid to pick up a hairbrush for gosh sake! Then, as soon as the spanking was over and we set about getting our still shots, her bottom redness began to quickly fade. Ha! I’d been duped! Boy did I feel foolish. So, this time I decided to do one of my Chelsea Spanks sessions with her. These are half-hour, non-stop, no cuts, unedited reality spanking movies. They can be daunting and certainly aren’t for the spanking faint of heart. I can get a girl who can’t take much through one of these sessions, as I can adjust how hard I spank according to who I spank. That ends up being harder on poor me than the girl being spanked. It’s hard to not be hard…if that makes any sense to you. If it does you’re probably a top and bless you for being a compassionate one.

Back to Sophie…I chose to do the reality spanking session because this time I wasn’t going to let her off so easy. I had her choose 4 implements (as I do all the ladies) and I didn’t comment so she had no idea she’d picked up one of my stingingest paddles. I know, stingingest isn’t really a word, but you get the idea. She chose a hairbrush, that deceptively gentle looking paddle that stings like a mutha*#@!, a sweet looking heart-shaped paddle that she thought was cute (till I began to use it on her) and a strap (my black leather, steel reinforced one). Hehe. Just like last time, she colored up right away. (Uh, hint to self – she’s super fair skinned.) Her quick coloring bottom took me back, again, so I would always back off with how hard I was working her as I saw her reactions and the color of her behind. What happened? She took it hard…I mean, pretty darned hard. When it was over and we went to take stills, guess what? Her color began to fade almost immediately again. Huh…when will I ever learn? Still, I had a good time and so (apparently) did she, since she seemed to still like me afterward. That’s always a relief. I adore Sophie Nova.

That feisty brunette I mentioned is Jade Indica. She’s got a very laid back personality, but when you start spanking her she kicks and wriggles like…like…a LOT. My freshly styled-straight hair began to curl almost immediately. By the end of the two twenty-four minutes scenes we shot with her my hair was curly again. Well, as curly as long hair can get. Really sorta more puffy. Again, TMI. Jade loves the little “dramas” I devise. Actually, I have a short aside here. The two scenes we shot were sent to me by a site member who never fails to have entertaining, viable ideas for plots. I love this guy! Do you know how many scenarios I’ve had to put together over the last twelve years?

Back to Jade. She’s always been able to take a super hard spanking. I mean, I was pressed to mark her at my full swing and strength. Now, I don’t care who you are, or what size you are, if you’re meaning to make it hard you probably can do so. Never underestimate the strength of a small boned woman with a formidable implement in her hand. The last time I worked with Jade, I used a slew of implements. No marking. This time, though, Jade began to mark during her first hand spanking. Yeah! I was marking her with my HAND! I asked her how long it had been since she’d been spanked and she said it was a month ago. That shouldn’t be long enough to re-virginize a girl’s bottom. Still, the girl I couldn’t mark if I tried was getting marked during the hand spanking. Maybe that yoga is really working. My shoulder is pretty strong, lately. That and I’ve been doing sessions spanking men. I guess that could do it, too. Anyways…I think you all get the idea. I’m stoked about the shoots we had this week! I’m sharing a few photos of Sophie Nova and Jade Indica from their shoots. Enjoy!

Here we go:

The Classic OTK
OTK is spankers lingo for over-the-knee, as most of you know.
Hey, somebody might be completely new to all of this. It’s possible.
Anyway, back to the position. Many spanking aficionados think this is the ultimate position…the only possible position. AND, some of them believe that it isn’t a proper OTK unless it’s administered with the spanker sitting on a straight-backed chair.
Huh…so rigid. Still, certain kinds of rigidity can be very nice. Hehe.
That’s Lena Ramon pictured getting her OTK.

The Classic OTK, on couch with legs up
This is what I like to call “the lovers spanking position,” because it’s comfortable and intimate for both parties concerned…well, at least until the spanking begins. Then the one draped over the legs of the spanker might not be so comfortable anymore.
Shane Ryder assisted in my sharing of this photo.

The Classic OTK, on couch with legs down
This position is also very comfortable for both parties, but even more so for the spanker. It’s easier to get a good swing going when you don’t have the back of the couch to hinder you.
Ariel X is pictured here. She takes a great spanking in any position.

The Classic OTK, on couch with legs up and spread
This is a delightful position if you happen to be holding a camera and filming while a gorgeous, panty-less girl is getting her bottom righteously reddened. Some girls just position themselves this way. Charming habit, I say.
Molly Matthews is the beautiful woman who elected to spread her legs so fetchingly in this photo.

The Classics OTK, on couch with legs up and spread
I couldn’t resist sharing another fine and pretty example of this revealing position.
Carolyn Reese, pictured here, also has a penchant for spreading her legs. She’s very naughty!

The Classic OTK with the legs pinned
It’s insidious to the one being spanked to have their legs held down by the spankers leg. But, at the same time it’s kind of exciting to be held in such an intimate manner. As a spanker, it’s a very effective way to make sure you don’t get bonked in the head with a flailing, high heel clad foot. Oh, and it also frees up a spanker’s swing, too, with nothing behind the shoulder to get in the way.
These two ladies are Eve Ellis (being spanked) and Johnni Black (spanking).

The Classic Bent Over
A very popular position! It’s very good for administering strappings, paddlings with large paddles and also for flogging. Oh, and it can be very revealing, as well. Once a lady is bent over, she’s very hard pressed to avoid showing us a little pink.
Gorgeous Jade Indica is posed perfectly to help demonstrate in this photo.

The Classics Bent Over – legs spread
This is another very charmingly revealing position and great for using a crop, which is easier to aim and can be used “intimately,” to pleasure. Still, when snapped down upon a bared bottom will definitely deliver a true sting, often accompanied by a yelp, or at least a good gasp from the person who received that snap of the crop. I wouldn’t use a flogger, here. The ends of those things can really hurt the kitty and I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

Ashley Fires, pictured here, is another lady with quite a penchant for leg spreading and I still say it’s a charming habit.

The Chair Kneel
A woman often looks as if she might be on her knees praying in this position. And, she may well be. “Please don’t spank my poor red ass anymore!” Perhaps that’s part of its appeal. I like it as a good taste of variety. One can do too much OTK, you know. Some people don’t feel that way, but believe me when you’ve made as many spanking movies as I have a little variety is a good thing. Trust me.
Lena Ramon is helping demonstrate again. Thank you, Lena.

The Pin Down
I actually hadn’t initially planned to include this position, as I haven’t used it very often. But, in bed it is quite effective to keep your intended target from squirming away. I have had it used on me and it’s quite insidious. One simply can’t escape if the top is bigger and stronger.

Kayla Paige is the one pinned down and she’s taking it from the able handed Cherry.

The Pin Down 2
Okay, I couldn’t resist adding this one. I got this bright idea one day during this shoot with Amelia Jane Rutherford and it turned out to be much harder on me that she. I was on my knees on a desktop, because I would never sit down on her completely. That would just be rude. I sported bruised knees for quite some time after. Poor me!
As I said, that’s Amelia Jane Rutherford with me sitting on top of her. Good sport that Amelia!

The Tummy Down
This position is actually the position that I first imagined when I began fantasizing about spanking. Probably because it’s good for strapping, which I associate with having a belt used on me. A man removing his belt to deliver a strapping to a nude, or nearly nude woman on a bed with her tummy down melts my mind, dissolves everything for me except that moment.
Who better to help illustrate a tummy down strapping than Sinn Sage, whose very favorite thing is being strapped. She likes leather, I guess.

The Double Tummy Down
If one is good, two is certainly better in this situation. No?
Sinn Sage, again, is pictured and she’s sharing her strapping with pretty Sarah Gregory.

The Doggie Style
This is a lovely, sexy position that is good for more then just fucking. I highly recommend it, as it brings out the submissiveness in any submissive. Oh baby!
That’s Sinn Sage, again. We have a lot of Sinn Sage photos and she likes to get into this position a LOT!

The Double Bent Over
As with the Double Tummy Down, two is usually better than one if you’re up to it. It can be challenging to administer two spankings at once; especially if the tolerance level of each girl is different. It can be downright tiring if both ladies can take a hard one. There, you’re forewarned.

Sinn Sage, again! This time she’s sharing a paddling with Natalie DeMoore.

The Diaper Position
This is another sexually suggestive position, obviously. That’s what I like about it. My sweetie and I used to play like this when we first got together and I remembered it one day before a shoot. Yes, the hubby and I have been together so long we forget various positions and implements from time to time as we zero in on what always works. Marriage is like that and maybe now I have shared too much. Sorry! But, that day, as our very able and gifted camera man, that position pleased my man more than just a little. He got very good angles of it and I was proud of him.

Ah, the beautiful and very sexy Charlotte Vale was game for assisting in the illustration of this position.

The Diaper Position with add-ons

Do you see where you can go with this position? Just look at that picture, that’s all I’m saying.

Sinn Sage is the guilty party once again!

The Wheelbarrow
I personally never imagined this position. Someone emailed describing it as best they could and requesting that we try to use it in a future production. I’ve since seen other photos and I see where we went wrong with this particular attempt. The spanker should have been sitting on the edge of the bed, or better yet, on a chair. Then the spankee must place their hands on the floor as their legs straddle around the spanker. Then, it even looks kind of like she’s playing wheelbarrow and improves the spankers prospective, certainly. Mmmm.

Bodacious blonde Carolyn Reese is the receiver and Vanessa Vanowen is the able giver in this photo.

There you have it. Seventeen positions. Can you think of anymore? Did I forget something obvious? I certainly hope not! If I did, please be so kind as to point that out.

Implements – From Sublime to Ridiculous

Not many spankers do all hand spanking all the time. I certainly don’t. But, when it comes to the kinds of implements people prefer the range goes from completely practical to completely NOT!

As a spanker, I like all kinds of implements and I’ve been known to use an implement or two that might fall in the ridiculous category. As a spankee, I don’t like any implements. (Well…you know what I mean. It’s a love/hate thing.) What I especially don’t like, as a spankee, are the ridiculous. Okay, so what do I consider sublime, or ridiculous? Here we go:

The hairbrush is one that I consider sublime. It’s practical and almost every household has one. As a spankee, it does indeed hurt, but it doesn’t make me feel silly. One can overplay the humiliation factor.

I think this steel re-enforced black leather strap is sublime. It’s not exactly practical. But, it was lovingly crafted by a true spanking enthusiast for maximum effect and it’s very sexy looking.

My favorite sublime implement is this beautiful blonde leather strap. Again, not usually found around the home, but crafted by one of the best in the spanking biz: London Tanners! As a spanker, I use this one often. It’s easy to aim and control and if you give it a good swing it really, really stings. Ouch!

This classic “school” style paddle is definitely sublime. It’s made to get the job done and it isn’t at all silly. I wouldn’t laugh if someone used it on me!

A slipper definitely falls into the ridiculous category. It’s just silly and, though probably effective, I would never use something on someone’s bare bottom that has seen the concrete streets, or the kitchen floor. YUK! How unsanitary.

A flip flop is all that the slipper is and possibly more. Ridiculous!

No offense to the fine craftsman who made this paddle, but I haven’t even been able to bring myself to use it. A butterfly shaped paddle? What? It floats like a butterfly, but stings like a bee? No. Definitely ridiculous.

This flower shaped paddle (though I have used it on occasion because it can cover an entire bottom in one swing) also falls into the ridiculous category. I called it the Flower Power Paddle when I used it. The second time I tried to use it, it nearly broke. Ridiculous.
On a short side note, the maker of these last two paddles makes some very, very fine paddles. If you’re interested go to: Paddlemastesrpro.com.

This triple cane is actually one of my favorites, or it was before Snow Mercy’s tough tushy exploded the tips of it. It looks kinda silly, but was extremely effective and easy to aim. Canes can be very difficult to aim!

I call this one the thwacker, because that’s what it sounds like when it meets a deserving butt. I’ve had it for years and I actually like using it. But, it’s very extreme and can only be used on a very hard player. I think it’s a palm frond that’s been smoothed out and shellacked over. Go figure

So, on those last two, feel free to chime in on whether you think they’re sublime, or ridiculous. Or, on any of the above mentioned implements for that matter. Do you agree, or disagree?

A Short Honeymoon?

Okay, so the big buzz around town this week, (that would be my town, L.A.) is all about how the Los Angeles Lakers star forward, Lamar Odom, married reality TV star Khloe Kardashian.  I’m a huge Lakers fan, so this news was at first a little unsettling for me. I thought, ‘Maybe it’s a joke.’ Then, I Googled it and found out it is true. I was like, “Lamar, Lamar. Noooo!” L.O. doesn’t always show the greatest judgment when it comes to his personal life. During the regular season the man lives off candy. Lots and lots of candy! Everyone knows that’s no way to eat. )Oh, I get it. Khloe is his new favorite candy!) And, of course, the person who introduced them was Ron Artest, who has just joined the Lakers and whom I hated him when he was playing with the Houston Rockets. See? He’s already messing with the team chemistry.

Then it occurred to me…Lamar has the largest hands in the NBA. Could it be that the new Mrs. Odom has a spanking fetish? Stranger things have happened. Maybe they’re both into it?

For fantasy sake, let’s go there. The couple exchanged vows on 9/27. L.O. has to report to training camp on 9/29. If they both are spankos and he plans on spanking her during their honeymoon, with hands that big poor Khloe will need a short one! Then she’ll need all the time that he’s away at training camp for her bruised bottom to recover!

Finally, Vanessa Bryant will have another drama queen with whom to share tabloid time. Wait? Kobe’s pretty strict. Maybe he spanks Vanessa, too? Then, there’s always Coach Phil Jackson and team owner Jerry Buss’ daughter Jeanie Buss. Could it be there’s a little daddy/daughter role play going on between them? Hehe…

Last, but not least, a small disclaimer. This is all from the perverted mind of yours truly, so don’t quote me on this stuff. I understand from the news this morning that it was a very nice wedding, although polls show that no one thinks it will last very long. Awww, come on. Give a couple a chance people!

Shhh. Don’t tell!

My hand can’t even palm the ball if I wanted to.

So, here’s the ball size.

Nearest thing in my house in size to Lamar’s hand?

My paddle can't palm the ball either