“If You Enjoy This, Why Should I Have To Pay?”

Vinyl Queen

Some of my sessions are very complicated and involve a lot of equipment, planning, and in communication with my clients. Other encounters are simple and basic. Case in point: foot worship and spanking. The only “problem” with these is when the client starts to hint that compensation is no longer in order. In other words, we are both having a good time so why should I pay?

The rational from these clients is usually something along the lines of -we BOTH seem to derive intense enjoyment from the activity, and it would be so much more convenient to just drop by my house/have me come to his. I mean if there is something mutual going on, then why does money need to get involved?

Here’s why money needs to be involved and ultimately it’s a very good thing: Monetary exchange for an activity maintains boundaries that keep both parties happy in the long run. If all you can do is dwell on the COST, then you shouldn’t be doing the activity—I don’t care what it is. It’s an affordability issue and your budget is the mitigating factor. If you can afford the activity without worry and you don’t like the IDEA of paying, here are some things to consider.

Money keeps things simple. It guarantees that I show up on time, I have a clean, uncluttered location for us to meet, and we stick to the negotiated plan. Yes, I might not FEEL like showing up to our appointment, but I know what the agreement is so I get ready, show up and then am happier for it once things get rolling. Yes, that’s a newsflash to many: no matter how much I enjoy what I do, it’s still my work and there are days I don’t feel like going to work. The difference is that I KNOW I will have a good time once the session begins.

Money makes sure that too much information isn’t shared. I don’t know where you live and you don’t know where I do. You might share some details about your private life, but that’s not mandatory and most people don’t. Money makes it so we form our relationship around an activity that we both enjoy, and we don’t take it further. By having this narrow definition of how we interact, it means that we will continue to have focused enjoyment in the future. Boredom is more difficult if we are always on the cusp of getting to know more about each other, but never do.

Lastly, money also makes the conclusion of our relationship a clean process. Yes, really it does. If you have maintained your boundaries and you just stop seeing me, no harm no foul. You always have the option to return. Of course a less experienced Mistress might get her feelings hurt when a client stops seeing her, but that’s the realm of those who aren’t keeping this to a business mindset—and a whole ‘nother topic for me to write about!

Vinyl Queen – “… but Mistress, I’m not submissive”

vinyl_queen

I Would Never Visit A Dominatrix For A Spanking

I’ve heard this a lot over the years from guys into spanking. They tell me that they can’t “just get a spanking” from a Pro Domme. I understand their point of view, but wonder how much of the belief is warranted? My background has shown me that those into spanking have only that interest. Sometimes role-play is involved, but the focus is on spanking and the various positions that it can be done. I have also heard from many guys that they don’t want a long session. They are put off by the hour minimum that many independent Pro Dommes have. Then there is the most insurmountable issue that I believe gets in the way: men into spanking aren’t “submissive.”

Let’s face it, there are A LOT of misconceptions about Pro Dommes. I won’t go into all of them, but I WILL address the whole “I’m not submissive” excuse. Look, I know that you’re not a cowering wimp who just wants someone to push you around. I KNOW that you walk through the world with a certain command of your immediate environment. You also don’t consider yourself a slave and probably view the images you see online of men in leather hoods being led around on a leash to be silly. That’s fine. If you can believe it, MOST of my clients are of your mindset—they just know how to get their kinky needs scratched.

If you want to show up for a 30-minute spanking session that doesn’t involve whips and chains, silly fetish clothing, or being referred to as anything than your first name—it CAN be done. The session can be negotiated so that both sides have a good exchange. The key is finding a House of Domination or an independent that understand your NEEDS. It takes some experience in this field to be able to know the difference between the request for a spanking session, a foot fetish session, or full on slave training. Your search might need to include reviews, phone calls and emails, but it CAN be a rewarding situation if you find someone you can click with. Just be honest about what you want and what you do not want (we call those limits), and you can have your backside tanned over the knee to your liking.

Vinyl Queen